The Temperance of Where To Go

This morning I awake on this golden and silent Welsh hill with a feeling of the potential of the day. There is so much I want to do, a few things I need to do, and other unknown things I feel called to do. I sit static in the space between desire, obligation and purpose. There is both harmony and dissonance here.

Today I desire very much to go to the grave of Ellen Hayward, who I’ve taken to calling ‘my witch’. She rests in the graveyard of St. Stephen’s Church, Cinderford about half an hour away. But I want to make the most of my time. I want the proper offerings; herbs, wildflowers, stones, things of the forest.  I want to open the lines of communication even deeper.

With other spirits, I’ve often found myself wandering, ‘hmmm…what can they do for me?’ I admit they have often been a means to an end. With Ellen, I wonder. Who was she? What was she like? What did she see and experience? Who is she now? What does she need? I want to know her. There is purpose in this desire.

Sometime in the night, I woke up thinking she might like some water from St. Anthony’s Well.

And here is where the obligation begins to layer in. The dogs desperately need a long walk. I’m obligated to provide this. And yet, St. Anthony’s Well is not easy to find. I managed it once, it’s down a single lane track that ends in a farmer’s field, up another silent and cold hill, in a lonely wood. This could turn into a long drive to nowhere with dogs becoming more and more restless in the car.

Another need threads its way into all of this tangling the stasis even tighter. I’ve left my watercolours in London and I NEED another set today. This is non-negotiable because my evenings here require that a watercolour be painted as I drink my wine outside on the hill. In my ignorance of watercolour technique this is a deep practice in flow and how to exercise control without destruction.

To the cards, I hold the option of ‘Where do I go?’ with the intention that the cards might actually raise more questions on the acts of indecision and going.

Temperance, The Hermit, The Pope.

They ask me to consider, in what way does my indecision make me turn my back on my own power. Like The Hermit, I walk towards the repetitive back and forth of all of these thoughts. So many times this year, I have read Temperance, with her eternal back and forth pouring,  as ‘repetitive pointless action’. I even designed a sigil last spring to end that process in myself. And here I sit, writing about not knowing what to do with my day. My focus is on the process, my stick is a crutch. I am moving even deeper in to stuckness. If Temperance is balance, then balance often means moving back and forth but not actually making any progress.

This isn’t actually going to get me out of this cottage.

The Pope, preaches to turn away from the process, pick up my crutch and hold it as a symbol of power. With his right hand he itemises: first commandment, second commandment…etc. etc.  One thing at a time. You could say he’s even delegating, but the clear thing here is that he’s facing forward away from silly Temperance. His vision is far reaching, he provides the instruction and framework for what should be done, but he, himself, sits still, stays in charge and allows his  teachings to be methodically carried out.

I’m probably being too kind to The Pope with the word ‘allow’ but I wonder what the relationship is like between control and flow? How tight is the container created by The Pope?

To sum up, the cards ask, in what way does focusing on your ‘processes’ prevent you from taking charge?

In what way is sitting in your power  an avenue to moving forward? In what way does it keep you still?

Is what you say aligned with what you do?